So with our recent move to SA... We sold the mini farm, & the decision was made that the kids and I were going to focus on us & KjC. So we stalked down barns & trainers here in SA. After 3 days of lessons, tours and chats... we found a barn that has everything we could want & a trainer that understands the fact that I’ve been on my own, except for the occasional lesson here and there since 2008.
I have confidence issues. They don’t stem from my ponies, but from outside sources. I was always the kid/young adult that was thrown on everything. When I was younger I was blessed to have a Dad & family that gave up everything to make sure I had the very best instruction & as good of a horse/pony that we could afford. Fortunately I was a great pupil and often got catch rides on amazing creatures, BUT with that came something different after the age of 16.
Praise wasn’t really a thing anymore. Perfection was always the goal & let’s face facts... NO ONE IS PERFECT. No matter what I always gave 300% in each ride. I always said thank you so much to the owner for the ride, but when it was just me and my trainer(s). It was always 1000 things that were wrong & no explanation as to how to fix it. When I did lesson, or school around privately, it was never ok here’s how to fix it.. it was yelling on how can I not get something so simple.. you are hopeless... blah blah blah. As an adult, it took my mirror sister that I really didn’t want to face to say to me... you know they’ve all just beaten you down and you need to realize they did it because they didn’t want you to not need them.
So now after what seems like a lifetime, I’m in a program, and back to basics of slow, kindness, and explaining of stuff. No more yelling, WTF how stupid can you be... etc.
im super excited that pones and I get to get our shit together, work on us, & work on healing the wounds of mental beat downs of the past.